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Month: July 2017

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

I have always considered myself to be at least kind of smart. School came pretty naturally to me, and I genuinely enjoyed it. After law school, I worked pretty hard in private practice and then as a prosecutor. I was pretty sad to leave the prosecutor’s office when I had Reid back in 2013- the job was so interesting, I felt like I was getting pretty decent at it, and I loved doing something positive as an attorney. But, there was no way I could work full time and be the parent I wanted to be, and working part time wasn’t an option. But I had also envisioned myself as a stay-at-home mom, really romanticizing what it would be like. Sunny mornings spent playing with my baby, a hot cup of coffee while he naps, having dinner ready when Kirk came home. In reality, about zero of those things actually happened. Newborn babies don’t really “play,” my coffee was lukewarm more often than not, and Kirk took care of dinner for the first several months. Regardless, I was still really happy about my decision to leave the working world and stay at home.

I started feeling a little anxious about it when Reid started his toddler class at school but got pregnant again a few months later. For the past 18 months or so, I’ve been primarily focused on baby things: being pregnant and getting ready for another baby, then actually having the baby and keeping people alive. Now, Sydney is 10 months old and I’ve started thinking about her first birthday. Sidenote: first birthday parties are not about the child. At all. It is a celebration of the parents for making it an entire year without killing anyone, as it should be! Our go-to gift is a bottle of champagne or a 6-pack. Sydney is our last baby. This is it. I get a little emotional as she reaches each milestone- she’s recently started crawling and pulling herself up to stand. Walking won’t be too far behind. She’s becoming more independent, needing a bit less from me. Reid has always been independent and basically only asks me to help with something if he can’t reach a toy or the snack drawer is locked. (We’ve installed a lock on the drawer because I caught him shame-eating muffins in the bathroom on more than one occasion.)

It’s taken me some time to reach this conclusion, but I think I have been feeling a bit unfulfilled lately. I have probably been feeling that way longer than I realize. It kills me to actually say that out loud- shouldn’t I be getting everything I need from my kids? I know that’s a little ridiculous, but mom guilt is real. I feel guilty about leaving my job in the first place and staying at home, because I worked so hard to get to where I was. I feel guilty about not “treasuring every moment while they are little.” I feel guilty about wanting to do something more than raise the kids and take care of the house (the latter gets neglected a lot anyway). I feel guilty about wanting to do something for ME.

But I also think to myself: I am responsible for setting a good example for my children. I want Reid and Sydney to know that women are smart and strong, and their mom did everything she could to make their lives happy. And I want them to know that if you aren’t happy where you are, only YOU can change it. So that’s what I’ll do. I don’t know exactly what that change is going to look like, but I can feel it happening.

But, in the meantime, I’ll be over here neglecting the growing piles of laundry and drinking lukewarm coffee.

Swolemates: A Love Story

Swolemates: A Love Story

This fancy lady has a birthday today!  To say she is a friend, a best friend, is an understatement. Renee is my better half, my conscience, my biggest cheerleader, my swolemate. Renee and I met through Crossfit, but before I actually started going. Kirk came home one day – I was pregnant with Reid at the time – and told me that he “thinks this chick at Crossfit is pregnant because she keeps asking questions about you.” Long story short, Renee and I started talking and became friends. Once our first babies were born, our friendship changed. We relied on each other.

So many times over the past 4.5 years, I have felt like I need Renee’s friendship like I need air. If I am worried about something, she talks me off the ledge. So many times we have called each other in tears, and by the time we got off the phone we were laughing. You know those friends that will actually tell you if you don’t look good in that outfit? Renee will tell me. She is honest, and will always tell me the truth- even when I don’t want to hear it. Like the time she told me peas are actually a legume- I’m still heartbroken about that.

Renee inspires me every time we are at the gym together (and that is fairly frequently). She is an absolute badass- full of so much strength, determination, and grit. She has been known to yell at me for not going heavy enough in a workout, and always, always pushes me to be better- at the gym, and in life. I watched her kick ass at Crossfit through 2 pregnancies, running circles around non-pregnant athletes (myself included). She encouraged me to continue to move as much as possible when I was pregnant with Sydney, and to get back to the gym after she was born. We have basically the same workout wardrobe, and have accidentally matched outfits more than once.

We have purposely matched many more times than that.

It’s taken me several days to write this post because I struggle with the words to define our relationship and describe what an incredible person she is. We understand each other like sisters. I consider her a part of my family, and I know she considers me the same. We share stories, recipes, clothes, our frustrations, our joys. She is one of the most selfless people I know. She is lovely inside and out.

Happy birthday to my beautiful friend, my future life partner, my swolemate. I hope you have a truly excellent day full of everything you want!

Temporary Solo Parenting

Temporary Solo Parenting

I meant to write this last week, when Kirk was actually traveling. Unfortunately, being the only parent around means everything falls on me, so there’s little time to do anything other than keep everyone alive. I’m sitting here trying to remember what exactly we did for those 6 days that Kirk was in Europe, but I’m totally drawing a blank. I think I just blacked out until he came home. Several people asked me where he was, and whether this trip was for business or pleasure. It made me laugh every single time- as if he would ever take a week-long European vacation and leave me at home with two kids FOR FUN. Not happening.

We definitely stayed busy that week- did something fun pretty much every day, which helps the time fly by.

Monday was SOS (what Reid calls “sail camp”), basically where younger kids go to learn about sailing, boat and water safety, etc. Kirk usually takes him (since he is the sailor in the family) but I did it this week. It was pouring rain, so the kids hung out in the shed and the parents got to go to the clubhouse (aka, have drinks and dinner). Not too bad, actually. Oh, except for the part where Reid was walking next to the water kicking his feet and his shoe FLEW off and landed in the water. I had to shimmy on my stomach to grab it and nearly fell in. Good times.

Normally I work out at 5:30 AM, but apparently it’s “not appropriate” to leave your 4 year old and baby home alone for a couple hours to go to the gym. So, Sydney and I had some Crossfit playdates while Reid was at camp in the morning. I’m not sure how this would work if she was crawling, but overall she did pretty well! I did have to stop a few times to feed her or throw some toys her way, but the desire to finish before she started crying was pretty motivating.

Wednesday night was time for ME! Some friends and I planned this outing a few weeks ago- a little ladies’ dinner at Georgetown in Lakewood. The weather was absolutely perfect to sit on the patio and have some drinks and dinner. The food was amazing, the service was sub-par- but honestly, I was with my friends, not having to put anyone to bed, so it didn’t matter. Next time Kirk travels for a week, I’m definitely doing this again- booking something for me in the middle of the week. It was really nice to talk to adults with dinner and not play 700 rounds of “I spy.”

Friday was Sisterwife Sleepover. My friend Alissa and I have discovered that we can put all our kids to bed at her house and they actually do pretty well. It’s really awesome (for us), not sure about her husband who keeps threatening to claim me on their taxes because I’m there so much. But the greatest part about this is I get to actually hang out with one of my best friends and not worry about getting a babysitter. Kirk always tells me that I should go out with my friends more, which in theory is awesome. But we all have kids, and husbands, and conflicting schedules, so it’s nearly impossible sometimes. I think that’s why I like going to her house so much (also: she has central AC and I do not) – because I truly love her and her family and it’s not a big hardship to get together. We have pretty similar parenting styles, our kids get along (for now at least!), our babies are essentially the same age. I’ve spent the night there before and didn’t even have to bring anything – they have literally everything I need. I’d give Hotel Tyminski five stars.

I would say this picture captures my week. On Saturday, the day Kirk came home- sitting on my kitchen floor, trying to get Sydney to drink a bottle in her carseat, on my way out the door because I forgot to pick up the damn dog from daycare. I was going to grab him after going to Target with the kids, but that shopping trip was so supremely awful that I completely spaced out on that. Oops. They were still open, so not a big deal- but it’s pretty indicative of my week. Busy, a little frazzled, trying to give the illusion that I am keeping it together, 100% exhausted. Kirk has traveled a ton since we’ve had Reid – once was for two weeks – and nothing has been as difficult as this. Kids are just RELENTLESS. I love them so much, but dear GOD I needed a break. But overall, we were fine. We survived. At some point during the week everyone got a bath, the house didn’t burn down, nobody had to go to the ER.

I’m not super excited for Kirk to travel again, but I can handle it. Just keep the wine fridge full.