I keep seeing these inspirational quotes that say things like “you are enough” and “if Britney can make it through 2007, you can make it though today.” Admittedly, the last one makes me laugh. But to be honest, there are so many days when I feel like I am NOT enough and I may not survive to see dinner. Some people get this feeling especially during the holidays, with all the gift-buying, tradition-making, and party-going. I get this feeling in spring, during the last week of April and first week of May.

That is my busy time. Within 2 weeks, we celebrate 6 birthdays (two of which are Kirk and Reid). We are also big fans of the Kentucky Derby, and this year we are having a party. Reid will also be doing a school birthday celebration since he’s in preschool this year, which means I have 23 goodie bags to make plus a gift to buy to donate to the school. Plus the goodie bags for Reid’s birthday party, as well as food since it’s happening over lunch. Oh, and two cakes because his actual birthday is on the Derby so his party is the next day, but I couldn’t bear the thought of Reid not blowing out candles on his real birthday.

And then I need to plan out a little menu for the Derby party, make a cute hat (the reason I wanted to have the damn party to begin with), and actually cook the food. And get some booze, because Derby.

Notice how Kirk hasn’t been mentioned once? That’s because every damn year, his birthday sneaks up on me. May 1, for some reason, seems so far away until it’s April 30 and I see all those Justin Timberlake memes everywhere.

Makes me laugh every time. And then say “OH NO KIRK’S BIRTHDAY IS TOMORROW” and frantically try to pull things together. Kirk is such a thoughtful husband and seriously great gift giver that he deserves so much more than a hurried footnote on the year. But again, so many events. So many.

Part of the problem is that I am a perfectionist and people-pleaser. This means I usually throw a really good party, because I truly care about whether people have a good time, and my food and drinks are usually pretty great. There is nothing sloppy about my approach to entertaining. Just ask Kirk, who rolls his eyes everytime we have friends over for dinner and I bust out the plate chargers. But this perfectionist/people pleaser stuff also means I stress myself out pretty easily. I want all these cute Pinterest things at the Derby party, like a blind bourbon tasting, creating your own horse name, and a betting booth but I’m not sure when I’ll have time to put that together. I want to make Reid’s cake(s) from scratch but I feel like I’ll run out of time, and cakes are not meant to be half-assed. Not to mention Kirk’s birthday treats- I try to go big here, since it’s one of the only things I can do that he can’t. I’ll let you know how his tiramisu goes when I actually make it sometime in June.

Among all this, I have a few friends that have had babies, are moving, or just going through a crappy time. You won’t be surprised to hear that I show love with food, and I really want to make dinners, breakfast quiches, etc for them. It’s the kind of friend and neighbor I want to be- the kind that just shows up with some brownies because you had a bad day. But between the kids, our obligations, and everyday normal life, I am not sure when I can be this person. It kills me, because if my friends don’t have a quiche, how will they know I care?!

I’m not sure what the point of all this is. The past few days have been hard as a mother, and it’s just kicking off a long stretch of insanity. Just know that if you are feeling crazed, overwhelmed, or frantic, I ┬áright there with you.

One thought on “Maniac

  1. Wish we could be at your Derby Party!! I know our invitation must have gotten lost in the mail;-) Just kidding. I’m looking at the bright side — at least we are not having to drive to OH thru Louisville this week. Long ago in CLE I was a member of the Cleveland Museum of Art Women’s Council. I had a ten year stint as Information Desk volunteer the first Saturday of the month, which of course included Derby Day. The Museum guards included me in their betting pool on Derby winners. You contributed a few bucks and drew the name of one of the horses entered. Simple. One year I won and had to go to the guards’ station to collect, practically needing to be fingerprinted. Too funny. I have a less pleasant story I’ll tell you someday about a Derby betting pool that went horribly wrong. Anyway, Spring has Sprung. Lots of love to you and yours. Our granddaughter Care-care’s birthday is in May, too, right around Mother’s Day, the day she was born four years’ ago!

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